Monday, August 14, 2006

A Binary Choice

Friendship - a bond between two people, a labyrinth of truth and lies, left and right roads, boundaries and binary choices too complex for its own sake.

Do I love her? Is this just pure lust?

Everything changed - my thoughts, feelings, emotional status all went bzerk the moment those mahogany doors opened to reveal her. She walked in, a smile like a beacon burning endlessly bright, skin so soft you could distort it with a stare, eyes like elliptical selections of a glistening sea, rays of sun streaming through her hair and the strong confident walk of elegance to mobilize this mass of pure perfection.

Keeping my shock contained would have caused my physical being to explode, I had to vent it in a subtle manner - to prevent her from freaking out. -

Taking a mental stroll back to the very first memories of her filed away in my brain, I saw first hand how beauty can be perfected, how change is not always a bad thing.

But this all boils down to one thing...

She's finally single but I ask myself: Why do I want her so badly? Is it because she's been out of my reach for the past seven years? Or is it just the fact that everybody wants her, and acquiring her as a partner will earn me bragging rights? It can't be the second reason, she's worth much more to me than that - more than a one night stand or a cheap fling at the local hang-out spot.

She sees the side of me that not many people have witnessed. The side that's pure, untouched and completely on the opposite end of the spectrum. She sees right through me - through the jokes, wildness and lude conduct - to the person that's typing this at this very moment. The person who's not conerned about sex or petit flings but only the loyalty and respect of friends and family. The quiet, constructive better behaved side. To see this side means that you have a special gift that not many posess.

Asking her to be my girlfriend is a binary choice. I either do or I don't. But behind each choice is a stream of consequences.

If I do:

- I'll be finally happy with whom I think is the girl of my dreams
- A feeling of completeness finally obtained
- A lifelong dream will finally be fulfilled
- ***Bragging rights will be obtained*** (Just kidding)

If I don't:

- I'll have no choice but to watch her slip through my fingers into the arms of another man while I keep to the back beat and wait for the opportunity to present itself once again.... if it ever does
- Losing her as a friend due to a relationship gone bad would hurt more than anything.
- That one consequence is enough to break a man.

Is there a choice?...

Time and the Lord reveal all things. When the time comes, i'll know what to do with those few precious seconds. But until then, I can do naught but wait and see if a choice has already been made, already written in history's journal.

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