Monday, January 28, 2008

Weekend Warrior

Till this day I'm not quite sure exactly what the slang in the title of my newest entry means, but I think that only a true warrior could have survived a weekend (and a week) like mine.

Before you start anticipating - No, I didn't go to AC 3+3 (6) nor did I go to UWI campus carnival and
survive many attempts at the snatching of my blingage. I call myself a warrior because I fought hard against aches of the heart and troubles of the mind and managed to hold it together for all three days (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) and make it through a Monday and then some! ***pats himself on back***

Now I mean, there's probably somebody reading this entry and saying "I've done that too" but I assure you my friend - it was not like this

Now it all started on Friday, really when I broke up with my girlfriend; ok now that's not entirely true - I don't want to give myself the bragging rights nor do I wish to award those to her. Long and short of it was that she was crushing the nut juice out of me and I was frustrating the hell out of her so we both agreed to go our separate ways (that way nobody sounds cooler hehehehe :P.. but not for long :) A few hours, some offline messages and a telephone ceonversation later and we were back together... well, kind of. We're kind of in a spot now like where Keanu Reeves was at the beginning of the third Matrix. Maybe a pretty picture will explain:
Yeah, so as you can see from the little map I drew, we're kind of nowhere and I am just as clueless as you are about our status, but it's sort of a sweet spot. Now in the original post, I was going to describe exactly how painful the whole break up was but I think that anybody who's been in a long relationship would know the feeling. For the young ones out there, it's not nice - it's probably why you see your daddy drinking so much :'( that's what relationships cause, kids - alcohol, drug and spousal abuse. Stay in school and out of each other's pants. That kind of slackness is only for us adults :D

As if losing the one I loved (temporarily) wasn't enough, I had this PBL for Engineering Science to do - something about static and dynamic engineering systems. I couldn't really give a rats ass about what they were, but my lecturer was apparently very interested in finding out and she designated me (and the rest of work drones aka students) to do the research for her. Now that would have been fine and dandy except for the fact that searching for Static Engineering Systems would only bring up some Fortune "One Dollar" company. The process of research was not aided by the group conversation I had running in MSN Messenger - this guy was sending this set of links to trance music on YouTube. Though I know that listening to trance automatically puts you on the fag train, I couldn't resist the shiny blue links that the featureless green fat man kept pushing forward. MSN and PBL DO NOT go together, folks. Take it from me.

Eventually frustration kicked in and I resorted to whacking away at the keyboard, making up definitions and theories as I went along. I had a word cloud with items like "force", "displace", "work" and other physics related terms and I just plugged them in after words like "the" and "sum" and "sigma". The whole presentation didn't look to shabby... not too sure if it made sense but...

Another thing that happened was more on a personal scale, but for the sake of awkward silence and rapid downward scrolling, I'll still relate this incident:

Now I never liked doctors and I never liked being naked in front of other people - I always felt that awkward stare, their marveling at imperfection. But somehow, it was written in the cosmos somewhere that K. Sheppard was to frequent the place were nudity was not requested, but demanded upon every visit- The Doctor's Office.

Now, give me a fine doctor with long hair, a tight ass and who is evidently blessed in the chest and I'll go to the doctor's office in a tear-off outfit with a bottle of lube. But give me a medium height, grey, old, hairy, brown skinned man and I'll go to the office kicking and screaming and possibly with a concealed weapon. Unfortunately, my physician is the latter :'( My physician is very good at what he does, but boy do I hate to visit him. He has this thing with the removal of all clothes... I dunno. The last time I visited, I had an infection on my bicep and he asked me to take off my t-shirt and my vest just to look at it - whadafxup with that? I tell you, that man has some serious issues.

Just yesterday I went to see about a problem I as having with my knee - now I could have just as easily rolled up my left pant leg for easy access, and doing so did not even limit my range of natural motion, but he demanded that I be without pants. My mom was there with us, so I suppose nothing could have happened due to the presence of a witness.

So my pants are off, and what's worse is that I'm not wearing boxers, just plain old jockey shorts... and a long jersey... with socks. You have no idea how much I hate that combination of clothes. I don't wear jockey shorts and socks, or a jockey shorts and a jersey, something about the jersey makes it feel like a dress and something about the socks makes it feel like baby shoes... weird.
ANyway, that was my ensemble for the evening, but it didn't stop there my friend.

I could have just as well sat down on the edge of his sofa thing, but he insisted that I lie down. As to not run the risk of getting yelled at again, I just complied. I got the feeling that when he turned his back he was going to break out into a Barry White song, the lights would dim and then a disco-type heart would come down from the ceiling. I Didn't like the feeling at all.

So it's on to the examination and the bastard insists on passing his hand up and down my shin. It was all very uncomfortable. It was only after he placed his hand firmly on my thigh to "show me where the tendon is" that I had enough and resumed a sitting posture (much to his displeasure I assume). From the moment he left the office to get some paper, I jumped back into my pants so fast that I got some frickin' leg burn. A most unpleasant experience.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be as descriptive but believe it or not, I haven't gotten my glasses yet. I suppose mom would get around to buying them when i'm blind so that I can see that darkness clearer. But I think you get the basic drift of how me week was.

I'd say that doing work on top of heartache and escaping the clutches of "Dr. Love" would make me count as a warrior. Sure it didn't happen all in a weekend, but had it been so, I would have been on the 7 o' clock news in an orange jumpsuit.

I am really getting to old for this!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Hey everybody, what's up? Boy has the time between my last post and this one been interesting! You wouldn't believe - it's been like a roller coaster ride on Acid for my emotions...and my sanity. You know, nothing gets your goat more than a stubborn person. Long story short - relationships ARE depressing. I now see why so many married men hit the bottle; this first-hand look is very entertaining... stressful and sometimes enough to throw you into manic depression and psychosis... but entertaining none the less. If these kinds of things are what builds character, then mine is on the way to being extremely buff and grotesque lol. But who doesn't have it hard sometimes, right?

So what else has been up? Well I started production on the new movie - this time with some degree of order. The trick this time around is scheduling. We're working with human beings in their second year of university - all we need to do is find a balanced and prime time to schedule rehearsals and shooting without the actors feeling imposed upon. It's also not helping that time is against us seeing that exams are right around the corner. A project like this is supposed to be fun to work on, and that's the kind of atmosphere I want to create during the practice and shooting sessions. I really don't want to be a slave driver and make people stretch themselves too thin for the sake of a few "oooh's" and "aaah's".

The cast that I've chosen so far seems interested and willing enough, but that's only because they think that when they hold the prop guns that there will actually be muzzle fire, recoil and bullets flying. Little do they know that all they will be reacting to is my voice (ha ha!). I promise to put some of the raw and unedited footage up so that you could see just how ridiculous we all look when pretending to get shot and blown up.

You know, coming back to the issue of time, I think that I better write up a big disclaimer or a speech of some sort to make all of these thespians aware of exactly how much work a movie production is. I mean it's not much, but I think they underestimate the level of it just a tad.

Mind you, all of this is even before I got the official OK to start shooting at school. Yeah I posted up casting call notices, organized a shooting schedule, started taking stock footage and all even before I got the permission, why? Because I'm bad like that! Remember what I said about order? Well it was kind of true (he he) What made things worse is that I got a brochure today that outlines the stuff that only official clubs of the student guild are allowed to do - I did all of them, and needless to say, I am not a club. But I mean, what's the worst that could happen? They'll tell me no? Well fine then, go ahead, styful the creativity of the youth. My story even has a cool economic, political and military centered plot and everything so... meh!

Another hurdle was, and still is, is finding a girl to play a certain part in the movie. So far the one's I've asked all seem enthused, but not too fond of the idea of acting. If they aren't too fond of the idea now, then wait till they find out what they actually have to do - this will be a laugh! But if we don't get a girl to play the part then this will just be a sausage film. So if you need a little eye candy with your Minimum Pleasure and there isn't any - don't blame the director kiddies, blame yourselves... or at least the girls in the student body.

Well that's all for now, really. I'm not supposed to be on the PC for this long without my glasses which are still at the optometrist. There are plenty of other thoughts that I'd like to share with you, some observations about feminists and their inverse but my right eye is twitching like a nose on glass. If you didn't understand that last metaphor, then go and ask your parents if they "had fun" in the 80's. If they say yes, then ask them to explain. This is Deviant nation, not Parenting with Kevin.

Peace, bitches :P

Monday, January 07, 2008

SOmething Interesting for a Change

Well folks, it's the 7th of January. For most of you, it's just another working day, for me and the other students of our little island, it marks the beginning of a three month long orgy of pain; the first few seconds of the Wailing and the Gnashing of Teeth track on the Teen Life soundtrack CD.

Today was registration day for me, which meant no classes. I thought it was going to be another run-of-the-mill errand running day (photocopy this, sign this, fill out that) but I couldn't be more wrong... well actually I'm not that wrong seeing as there was indeed some paper pushing, but there were some rather interesting elements that got thrown into the mix to make sure that today ended with four eyes and a smile ;)

Ok the first order of business for the day was to go to the bank. I hate banks - I hate banks especially at lunch time when there are hardly any tellers, because they just need to eat at 12 in the afternoon. Can't they starve for a hour or two? For what its worth, standing in that winding line for about a hour gave me the opportunity to observe an assortment of some of our country's colourful characters:

The sludge the country's efficiency engine (old people) were ever present, armed to the dentures with pension cheques and bags of 1 cent pieces. There was the old playboy in the row across from me - short, wreaking of cologne and drowning in a sea of silver and gold chains and rings. He looks like one of those old fogees who'll be at the clubs hitting on all those young girls, cuz he's a "sweet man". Then there was the average Joe, like you (hopefully) and me who were thinking the exact same thing - why can't I just have my own personal teller monkey to do my deposits and withdrawals for me?... Oh, you weren't thinking that? Well that makes one of us the smarter one :p.

There was this one dude there with a ras - long ras, only bundled up in a honey comb shape in a bag or something on his head. The thing looked like re-inforced leggins or something. Anyway, not to be prejudice or anything, but he already looks like the kind of guy who got his funds from... I dunno... "moving the herb". Yeah he already looks suspicious enough just standing there and then he tries to do a good deed or something and attempts to re-attach the loose corner of the money specimen fact sheet that was stuck to the wall right next to him. My advice, buddy - you didn't unstick it, just leave it. The last thing you want is a buckshot round in your ass from that trigger happy security guard who's been eying you down for the past 15 mins. I'm sure his excuse could have been that he saw the rasta guy fiddling with the sheet and though he was trying to steal the money specimens, or some crap like that.

Anyway, I stood in line, like everyone else and paid my school fees - $25 that ridiculous school! I'm not complaining that the fees are small, but do you know how much of a waste of my time it is to stand in a friggin' line for 2 hours just to put a measly $25 into an account? It's ludacris!

While in the bank though, I spotted this awesomely sexy African goddess at the ATM. Smooth brown skin, legs, ass, boobs, the works. But prolonged visibility was an issue though - every time I tried to get a good look at her legs, this old biddy would put her stink, grotesque, overflowing crocus bag on the floor to the right of the woman's legs, thus obscuring my view. Then when the chick moves up, my line of sight was conveniently aligned with some Ricky Ricardo wannabe with his little goatee looking like pubic hair on a river otter's nut sack. I ended up looking like a crack head trying to get a good look inside a tinted limousine window - bobbing and weaving like crazy just to catch one last glimpse of her using the ATM. Damn... she's the kind of fine that you just have to sit back and smoke a joint while you think about her.

Moving on. So after the bank ordeal, I went to get my eyes tested. I had a feeling that I was going to need glasses, and I could have predicted the times in which I had to wear them - I was ready for anything, except that damn preliminary eye exam!

Shit! This woman made me sit with my face up against some contraption looking into a green light. She said that I should expect to feel some light puffs of air coming from the machine into my eye. I said ok and expected a gentle intermittent breeze, gliding across the thin layer of natural fluid in my eyes. What I got was The Terminator using a frickin' pneumatic sand blaster on my pupil - those "puffs of air" hurt like hell. With every puff, I felt my eye drying and deforming faster than I could blink. The worst part is that there wasn't any fixed interval before the next blast of air, so it's not like I could mentally prepare myself for it, she just shot me in the eye as soon as I stopped blinking and squirming.

Beats the last time though, that evil man gave me an injection in my eye and told me me not to blink.

So when the tests were over, I went in to see the actual optometrist. She's a VERY charming British lady. I had a mind to ask her if she was involved with anybody... but then I remembered that I was involved with someone, so that couldn't work... Oh well. She's very charming and nice and all that stuff, and she says cute things like "grand" when things are OK. She made me smile alot :)

Long and short of the story - my diagnosis: Apparently I do, in fact have an astigmatism in my right eye, but it isn't not something that came about recently. My eye was always shaped funny, but because I wasn't doing much intense work ( I went QRC, folks - who studies?) my left eye was able to compensate for my right eye's short comings, thus I seemed to see OK. But ever since puberty and the incessant calling of late-night adult entertainment, coupled with my prolonged use of the computer, my left eye said it was too much and couldn't compensate anymore, or at least on such a large scale. SO to make things easier on old lefty, my prescription is for my right eye and I should (not must) wear the glasses when I'm on the computer or studying late at night. It's not so bad, at least my face isn't bound behind them. I'll have to admit, when I hear that my glasses are to fix one eye only, I thought they were going to give me the monocle thing like the Pnaters Man, I got a little scared. As for outdoors, I always had very sensitive eyes, so the nice British lady said that I should wear shades when outside in right light. Look at that eh, I have a prescription to look cool, he he!

Now for the icing on the cake:

I don't want to gloat, but I went for my results of last semester's exams and.... I passed everything!
Now I'm not going to tell you my grades, that'll just kill the fun, but the important thing is that I don't have to repeat any subject! You know how happy I am right now? On Monday 17th December 2007 was the last time I ever saw the world "Aldehyde" or "Ketone" or "periodic", I'll have to work on the "table" part of it. (Maybe I'll just say desk from now on). Anyway, that's the last I'm seeing of Chemistry for a long-ass time! Woo Hoo!!!1! The Mathematics exam probably raped me, but at least it didn't give me Aids, I got a C+ in that. A whole two grades higher than I was expecting. Yeah but that's the only result I'm giving you. Take my word for it, I passed everything else, that's all you need to know XP

My time table seems ok for now, but it has a big "Subject to Ceange" note scribbled at the bottom. I like the new time table. I'm finishing school at 2 nearly every day, only 1 4 o' clock day. Not too shabby, I think.

So yeah, I'm pretty pleased with how today turned out. I need some visual aid, but say what, we get older we get less useful, eh? Part of life, sport. Suck it up!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

New: Search The Deviant

Ok it's a feature that's long overdue. Too often i've been receiving gripes about not being able to search for a specific article on the site... well, now you can!

There's a new search feature to the right of the page; it's not very pronounced (thanks to the template) so I put at the very top of the side panel list.

So enjoy searching the Deviant. Just don't report what you find to the police, m'kay?

Thursday, January 03, 2008

New Year, Old Me

Hey everybody, Happy New Year! Wow, it's the big '08 eh? Everybody's getting older these days.

I know I promised plenty of entries over this holiday season but shit came up... "shit came up" yeah believe it or not, that was the best excuse I could come up with. If there's anybody to blame though, you can blame this person:

Now for her protection, I have removed her face and replaced it with a smewhat less aesthetically pleasing version (courtesy MS Paint). I did this so that you people don't go hunting her down. Oh, and she's my girlfriend by the way, so It's my obligation to care for her health and safety (it's in the fine print, they always get you with the text too small to read).

Anyway, yeah she's been taking up all my time, which isn't necessarily a bad thing... its quite good actually, but that meant sacrificing the joy of stimulating the literary clitoris of my audience, and for this I am sorry.

SO anyway, what do I got for ya? Well Christmas came and left as quickly as a cat with a piece of stolen meat through a window. It wasn't alot to shout about, but at least I was alive and well to enjoy it for another year. My dad and grandmother aren't doing so well though, but its family policy that we don't discuss family members' health outside the family - yeah, we just Sicilian like that. Can you dig it? - but both of them are coming along famously.

New Year's Day was alright as well, I rang it in with the chick in the pic at the top - couldn't think of better way to do it :)... oh wait, church... (Forgive me Father for I have sinned).

Work on the movie is coming along splendidly - I have a big surprise for my audience when the film debuts. This surprise, however is going to generate lots of laughs during the filming of the sequences where it's featured. I'll BE SURE to post some vids and stills of the production while it's happening; kind of like that Payne and Redemption production blog. My cousin Kevin also popped by to show me a thing or two about the film making process, and the session was indeed beneficial. I must say I learned quite a bit - thanks cousin! The guy even saved me from throwing down 5G's on a shitty camera. People are indeed more useful that I thought lol.

Anyways that's my season in a nutshell. There's plenty more that I could say but it's more related to the film project and I really don't want to give too much away at this point.

I'll see you hopefully more often in this new year, but until next time I wish that God may richly bless you and your family and make this year even better than the last for you.

Thanks for reading, and the Diego Deviant is looking forward to spending another new year with the best audience in the world (I'm talking about you guys, so go ahead and feel bite up).

Stay frosty!