Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Google Got Me

Welcome to (, the blog that puts its feet up on your mom's new furniture.

Today I'd like to talk about the effects of Google on a young mind:

Now Google has reached the point in its existence where it spreads like a cancer that first sinks its contaminating claws into the Internet's back fat and is now weaveling its way into your home via your own PC. It's not the fact that they can buy major corporations like YouTube and get a weekend discount, but it's the fact that the takeover is happening so swiftly, so underhandedly, that millions of other sheep out there like me fall victim to it's Fisher Price countenance and accept its advances and install virtually every bit of software made by Google on their machines. Don't believe me? This is a picture of my browser just one week after regaining my Internet:

if you'd take a look at the encircled areas, you'd see that I currently have, or I am a subscriber of:

Google Reader
Google Home Page
Google Bookmark
Google Search

And if your observational skills were good enough, you'd see that I currently have FireFox installed. How does this have to do with anything? Well I installed FireFox after using Google Search to find "good alternative to IE7". If your eagle-eye is as sharp as you claim it is then you'd also see that I have two instances of the Google Search Bar installed in my FireFox browser and in the title bar of the said browser, you would see that I'm currently heading to Google Labs to find more themed software to install.

I really can't help myself. It has reached the point that I think the Installation Prompts for installing new Google software have evolved from questions to subliminally hypnotizing commands:

I'm telling you, this thing is getting pretty out of pocket.

My machine is practically Googdows XP with all the G-apps installed:

I have a Gmail account
I use Google Talk, though nobody's ever there
I have:
Google Desktop

Google Toolbar for Internet Explorer
Google Side Bar (I've even tried writing widgets for the damn thing)
Google Video Player

What's next? A G-based friendship service? Wait there is one, I forgot the name though. (Google search it)

My brother and I were discussing today the impracticalities of the possession of an iPhone in Trinidad and the roumoured Google OS soon to hit the market... Allegedly. We see this as the icing on Google's diabolical cake: First they take over our media, then our communications and then
they ooze their way onward to control that which controls the world at present (the computers), in essence, they're trying to take over the world!

Is all this sounding familiar to a certain other conspiracy theory? Yeah, the aliens that landed in Roswell, New Mexico weren't caught by the FBI and locked away, no my friend, they were of African descent so they specialised in evading police and bill collectors alike. I think they are the ones that run Google today! Ok, that is a PRETTY stupid theory, we all know aliens aren't real and the only aliens that exist are the black people in a Barry Manilow concert (that's just weird).

The G-man however is as real as real can get. You heard me, right out of Half-Life and into the corporate setting, the G-man is and always will be the head of the multi-billion dollar corporation. His plans extend far greater than keeping a nerd in a wet suit trapped in City 17 - he wants to make us all nerds in wet suits trapped behind our desks!

Look into the face of your future owner!

Strangely enough, I see a resemblance - a twinkle in the beast's eye that reflects perfectly in my own. The G-man an I are exactly alike, it's just that he's successful and I'm not. I always had dreams of world domination... how coincidental.

So wake up, unsuspecting computer user, wake up and smell the ashes of a world that once was; taste the oppression. You have much work to do, many of Google's applications are waiting to be installed, so wake up, my fair user, wake up and begin your destruction!

I'd like to thank my sponsor Weed Inc. and TMIT (Too Much Idle Time) Ltd. for the thoughts that were expressed in this entry. I would also like to make plug for my brother's blog over at Virtual Insanity
(There isn't much there at the moment but bookmark it now - I'm telling you there's gonna be some wild entries very soon)

That's it for this edition of the DiegoDeviant. Stay cool and as always, Peace Love and Parrots (that's the weed again :p)