Sunday, November 04, 2007

The Party's Over...

Well it's November 4th, exactly one day after the salt-fest that was Anonymous. OK, maybe I started off a little harsh and without a proper introduction, so I'll do all that now.

A few weeks back, I was invited via Facebook to a party called "Anonymous" by a friend of mine. Needless to say I was excited about the fact that it was a party, a thing that I haven't been to in almost forever, and even more excited that nearly all of my friends from my Al Magmata were attending. I check out the details and saw that it was club party (+1 point) and that it was being held by one of the guys I went to school with (+1 point) and as anybody who knows me already knows, I hardly attend parties that has a host that is unfamiliar to me. So so far I can dig this party, but I soon learned that I'm going to have to dig even deeper (in my pockets) to afford this ass-parade - a whopping 100 pieces of silver was the cost, but i'll still +1 point because in these instances, you're paying for comfort, safety and security.

So any way let's fast forward through my life after that point. Nothing much went on there, just "party party party" that was mostly my train of thought, so I didn't really pay much attention to anything funny or interesting...

OK so it's the night of November 3rd, hopefully the "big bang" night (I named it that for more than one reason ;) ) So my friend's mom picks me up and drops us off at the party, and after some impromptu and most unwelcomed request for my photography skills, I was on my way to the inside of the devil's sex shop.

I'm in the party now and the music hits me like a run away freight train and I'm dancing like a rat on a hot tin roof. The strobes a flashing, the bass is POUNDING and everybody has that vacant brain dead look in their eyes. I'm sure that half of them didn't know what they were doing at that point in time. Soon enough I see my friends, about 9 or 10 of them and we proceed to the bar to get some of that Hebrew juice in our systems. Me being the "soff man" that I am, did not imbibe alcohol, I just drank a Red Bull (for starters) and bought a rum & coke for my friend.

It's about half-past 12 and we're just there, calmly dancing and whatnot, scoping out the crowd and deciding who's going to be our fist victim of "dry-sodomy". Upon perusing the crowd, it was clear that there were plenty of bakes, but far too much sausage. Some of the bakes even came with their beloved sausage, so those bakes were off-limits for the night. If you didn't understand that last part, then wait till you get a little older, then go to a party for yourself and see.

At around 1:20am it was time to move, navigate though the sea of flour and meat (ok time to refer to people as people again) by flour and meat, I mean girls and boys respectively. So we're going through the crowd and just observing... observing... until we eventually got to a short stack of steps which we decided to make our base for the rest of the night, and it was around that area that the party started and ended (shortly after) for me.

There was some Soulja Boy dancing, J-Walking (from yours truly) frog backing, fresh princing, doctor byrding and pretty much any other coined dance being performed in that immediate vicinity. But like every party I've been to, there must be a "slut point" where you find a girl, or group of girls that you can marinate in. There must be a point where you must break away from your clip and scour the club for "hot bake". Then after you do your thing, you return to your "camp" all sweaty and tired with a drink in your hand to replenish your spent bodily fluids (either sweat or... the other thing). Fortunately, this point did come, and unfortunately it passed within a matter of minutes.

I don't know about the other fellas, but i'll admit that when I came back from the "slut point" I wasn't sweating because I burned a hole in some girl's pants, no my friend, I was sweating like a wood splitter because the place was jut too hot. I was also tired because I never knew that I'd have to Splinter Cell my way through a crowd - it's mentally taxing. I don't know about you, but I see no reason why a man's gyrating behind should be in contact with my person - I just can't find a circumstance where that's acceptable. Ducking and dodging these people was a task by itself.

I bet you're probably wondering why i didn't flex on anybody, right? Well to say I didn't flex on anybody would be a lie, I did have my way with a few, but it's nothing to talk about. They were either too basic or too random and crazy to actually enjoy it. There was one girl in black though.. mmmmm.... anyway so that was one of the things I encountered. The other thing I (and all of my friends) noticed were that most of the girls were just too damn salty! You try to hold one of them down and they'd turn around with this beast face no matter how gentle or abrasively you approached them, I just didn't understand it. I have never seen a bunch of unfriendly people like the girls at that party. There was one who turned around, but I wasn't sure if it was her natural face or if she put it on, but either way, refusing me that dance was the biggest favour I think anybody has ever done for me. Synergy TV was there and that video with "Sheep and the Shotgun Victim" could have ended up all over YouTube. That girl was uuuugh-leeee. Another thing to be noted was that all of the girls were excessively mobile. I began to wonder if there were hired waitresses and I wasn't aware of them. The same girl passed about 20 times and touched my ass in the same spot every time, just going to the bar and back over and over and over, they began to mess with my dance flow - having to stop and let them pass. And don't you dare try to stop them for a dance...

So I got back to my camp within the space of about 15 mins and saw my whole crew there, just looking down in the face. No questions needed to be asked. In an unheard of break of tradition, we tried the "slut point" one more time and ended up with just about the same amount of luck... Well... almost the same amount of luck. When we got back to our spot, the booty fairly left a bevy of beautiful girls at our disposal, they were all looking ready and wiling to boot. So after some brief deliberation as to who takes whom, everybody paired off with a behind and began the process of "Jamming Down"... except for I. I kept to the back beat, at this point I had given up hope for the party and just decided to let those headache inducing strobe lights do their thing.

But amidst the trampling bass and the mesmerizing lights, something caught my eye - an angel, almost completely resurrected from the sea of hideousness, a rough among all the diamonds, a thorn between the roses; but she was sad, looking envious of the good time that her friends were having... I had to do something. Now I, Kevin Sheppard, did not try to pips this lady, (I have a reputation to think of) So I go over to her and try to make her feel pretty, like her hot friend in the white mini-skirt, so I snake my way behind her, place my hands gently on her hips and move my loins ever closer; she looks back, I look into her cloudy, bloodshot eyes... and she walks away... That was the funniest yet hurtful points of the night for me. I couldn't believe it, she actually turned me down! Well what can I say, beauty is in the eyes of the desperate, right? I personally didn't find the girl even worthy of a "shake-hand", far more a dance, but oh well. I guess I got put in my place.

So that was the meat of the party for me - shoved around by the unofficial waitresses of the night, avoid male ass, get turned down by an ugly chick... but at least the lime with my friends was cool. Coming down to the end, we stood by the stairs and just had some laughs caught kicks as drunk patrons  (and some of our group members) staggered to the door mumbling incoherently.

Well what followed is the norm - my mom came for us and I dropped three of my friends off at City Gate.

Now for the party rating:

Turnout: ****
Crowd Type: ***
Music: ***
Vibe/Crowd Chemisty: *
Safety and Security: *****
Price: A Little Over Average

Rating 3.4 - had all the elements of a good party, but crowd chemistry wasn't there. That was mainly due to the saltiness of the females and the fact that the crowd was comprised of groups of people that don't talk to or don't like members of other groups of people, so there was no real unity and sense of Anonymity. Everybody knew everybody else and some didn't like some.

I personally didn't have all that good of a time.

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