Thursday, October 05, 2006

The big Flare! (Not an old person/fat person hater)

First of all, I am not a people-hater, nor a despiser of the elderly; but when you start to make your ass a nuisance, that is where we have a problem.

Take today for example - my day was shitty as is. I expected to have class from 8-11 but instead I had class from 8-4. OK, my fault, who can I blame but myself?

My final two periods were math and as gay as that was, it wasn't all that bad; we got off early.

So if you count it so far, I'm in the hole 2 to 1 with bad luck in the lead.

The journey home on the other hand was where it all fell apart:

I couldn't get a car to drop me to the bus station so I had to walk (I'd say about) 3 frickin' miles in the sizzling sun while dodging traffic and putting up with the mobile scum of the country blasting dub seemingly directly at my tender eardrum. Strike 1.

While walking, I had to put up with fat assed women who apparently have an invisible extra shell that coats them from the sun's stinging rays because they seem pretty comfortable dragging their broad backsides along the sidewalk in the cancer inducing scorge from above all the while carrying on a jolly-light hearted conversation - N.B. I have nothing against fat people - while little me in the back is struggling to plough through your mounds of fat as to be on my way. Now this is not only with fat people though - just basically any old asshole that seems that 4 o' clock in the afternoon or 7 in the morning is a swell time to take a nice, slow stroll through the great ol' P.O.S. is targeted in this little flare piece. Strike 2 by the way.

I got to the bus station and by this point I'm practically ready to pull my hair out; the only thing that stopped me from doing so was the fact that I got a maxi going to my location as soon as I set foot on the platform.

I removed my book-bag and sat quickly as to hide the vertical swimming pool of sweat tattooed on my shirt. As luck would have it, some old woman whom I passed a while back (annoying because she kept saying her thoughts out loud) came and plopped her ass right in the seat in the back of me. Strike 2.33'

Waiting for the shuttle to become filled, another old woman comes trudging to the maxi, one foot in front of the other with each one taking about a year to reach its intended position. I covered my face. She finally reaches the maxi, crocus bags in hand and a look of pure confusion on her face and as that sick, twisted, deserving to be ass-raped by a group of hairy bikers individual named luck would have it, she comes in and sits right next to me. Now usually this wouldn't have been a problem but today was the wrong day for this shit! Visions of prolonged exit procedures, the old woman falling asleep on my shoulder and her asking me ridiculous questions during the journey (like how is your uncle Elroy doing? BTW I don't have an uncle Elroy) on a day like today filled my head to the point of overflowing. The raw zealous hatred for the situation blinded me; but I sat calmly, like a disturbed can of soda ready to fly in the face of anyone who dared to give me the opportunity (by that I mean popping the top :P). Strike 2.66

Alas! My destination - didn't take as long as I expected it to - smooth flowing traffic man, you gotta love it. Now can you remember that part about prolonged exit procedures? Well we're getting to that. After minutes of watching this old lady stroking her bags like a plastic chihuahua It's time for me to come out. I press the bell, pay the driver, the taxi stops. She sits there facing forward. I sit there ready to kick her through the window. I tell her I want to come out (very politely, quote: "Excuse me miss, i'd like to pass please"). She grinds the remaining synovial fluid in her neck to turn her head in my direction. She moves her knees two centimeters to the right and says "pass". STRIKE 3 MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!11!!

At this point i'm ready to go postal on this country. I just stood up, grinding my teeth and just wanting to kick through this old braud's barriers of obstruction; !but! Thanks to my fine training at home, I gingerly tiptoed out of the maxi like a little fairy bitch and stormed my way home.

What have we learnt about this lesson?

1. Please be considerate when using the country's streets - we all share it! Don't stroll along the busy sidewalk in the morning or I will punch you in the head. I don't mind being arrested for that, seriously.
2. To all the children of the elderly, keep them at home and do their tasks for them you lazy shits! You get people like me very aggravated. I'm on the edge, don't push me or I will bounce their ass down next time I see one...ok may be not but i'll find out where you reside and kick your ass personally.

Thank you.
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